The Vatican stole a page from the Muslim Terrorist’s Manual by announcing via a press conference in Rome the formation of Nun’s with Guns, a counter-terrorist organization that will be deployed to assist the American military in Afghanistan and armies of other nations embroiled in Islamic hot spots throughout the world.

Having long been the object of fear and terror, the Catholic Nuns have been pressed into service by His Holiness Benedict the XVI, once a disseminator of terror and torture as a member of Hitler’s Youth Group and later the SS, who was praying in his bedroom when suddenly the Blessed Virgin appeared to him and said, “Benny, I can’t believe you hadn’t thought of this but we have the oldest group of religious terrorists at our disposal: the Catholic Elementary School Nuns who have shoveled more bullshit and instilled so much fear in the hearts of countless Catholic school children causing them to blindly follow the Church which, with it’s juvenile dogma, is no small feat.  If they can accomplish such mind control and fear, use them to counter the Islamic terrorists that are spreading lies about me and Jesus.”

“Jesus and I” corrected Benny.

“What?”  screamed Mary, “you sanctimonious Nazi headed pompous ass, turd, how dare you correct my English.  I’ll send you down to Hell and you can suck Hitler’s dick for all eternity!  Get it?  Now, mien kook, what about me and Jesus getting our revenge?”

“I’ll get right on it, Fraulien Blessed Mother!” said Benny, shakily.

With that, Mary was gone leaving Benny to contemplate what she requested.  “She’s right!  We have the most effective terrorists group in the world with the Elementary School Nuns who can make a Jew believe the Holocaust never happened!  Which, of course it didn’t, but the Jews don’t want to believe it.  Sister Angelus could quite effectively fight the Islamic terrorists on their own turf – bullshit propaganda.  She and her sisters have done it very effectively for decades.  I think I’ll call her to Rome and tell her my plans for her and the School Sistas of the Hood – Motha Fuckas.”  He calls the “Matha Fuckas Motha House” in Philly and orders Sista Angelus to Rome for a meeting.

The next afternoon, Sister Angelus arrives at the Pope’s private office in the Vatican.  “Angelus of the Motha Fucka, it’s so good to see your big ass in my country!  Welcome sista!” says Benny.

“Hi, you little Nazi pipsqueak, how the fuck are you?  You still messin with the Jews, re-appointing your fellow Youth Group commando bishop who denied the Holocaust ever happened, back to full time duty in the office of the commissioner of Truth Verification?  That took some cool to do that, Benny,” laughs Mother Angelus.

“What’d you call me here for, anyway?” asks Angelus.

“The Blessed Virgin appeared to me while I was praying and told me to gather a group of elementary school nuns to form a counter-terrorists and propaganda bullshit group to oppose Islamic terrorists where ever they may be!” states Benny.

“What the fuck, over.  The Blessed Mother is real?  You pray?  I never would have guessed it!” Angelus says.

“Hell yes I pray!  Well, I did that night.  It was a photo-op and I was making some great tabloid pics of me leaning on a kneeler, head in my hand and a terrible look of sorrow on my face; great guilt getter!  As far as Mary goes, its true I only see her when I drink too much communion wine and, admittedly she looks and talks a lot like Mrs. Franzetti, one of my cleaning ladies; but what the hell, I am the Pope so if I say its Mary, its Mary!” Benny said, excitedly.

“I agree, your holiness!  So, you want me to kick some Islamic butt, eh?  I would love to.  I’m your girl, Herr Pope!” Angelus laughs. “I’ll get a group of the meanest, most disgruntled, unhappy, horny, puckered ass prostitutes, er nuns, you ever met.  Some real fighting forces to be reckoned with.  We’ll swoop down on those candy ass would be tough boy Muslims and scare ‘em shitless. We’ll out propaganda, lie and swear to it all just like we do to those little whores and cowboys we screw over in elementary school.  Hell, its right up our alley!” Angelus says.

“Great!  I knew I could count on you and your tribe of malcontents.” Benny shouted!  “We’ll call you Nuns With Guns because it looses a lot if we call you Nuns With Lies!  This will be great times ahead for our Income Retirement Account and our Investment Portfolio in general” says His Holiness.  “We’ll show those Islamic sons a bitches just who they’re fucking with!”