After 75 years of success and failure, I thought I had figured out how Life works. Man was I wrong.

Posted on 11/26/2020 by jimbet01

In the 75 years that I have walked the earth, I have met people who liked me and those who did not.  Nothing new here.  I learned that not everyone will like you.  Some folks will dislike you even before they get to know you.  However, I have an open mind and I wait until I get to know a person before I judge their worth as a friend or as a person,  Over the span of my lifetime, I consider myself fortunate to have the great friends that I have because they always were there for me when I needed them.  A friend in need is a friend indeed.  

I was happy with the way my life was going and thought that because I had reached my 75th year I would skate over the finish line when the Grim Reaper came to call.  That was a fucking mistake, let me tell you. 

I never saw what was coming into my life on October 1, 2019, when a new resident checked into the nursing home and completely swept me off my feet.  He is 55 which makes him 20 years younger than me.   His name is Gene and I never fell in love with a man as quickly as I fell for him. We are both gay and are the only gay residents in the home. At first I thought that we would be best friends because of that bond of being gay. WRONG. He is always cordial to me but he has formed best friend status with two other residents. When he is socializing, he spends his time with them. I get to be with him only when they are around. We do have meals together but that’s only because his two friends are quarantined due to COVID-19. I can’t begin to tell you how hopeless and depressed I feel. I want something that I can’t have and have to watch as he enjoys himself with his friends.

I’m old man and should be ashamed of myself for feeling as I do. I act like an immature teenager. I should be happy when they invite me to play dominoes and other games during social hours throughout the day. I like his 2 friends, one of which is my best friend, and we always have a good time when we are together. I need to start being thankful for the good and let the other crap alone. I can do it. I will do it.

I love Gene and I would do anything for him.  I want to share my life with him, but I realize he does not want this.  I wish that he would spend time with me and that I could be a friend that he loved in the way he loves the other two residents.  That, however, will never happen.   He comes to my room only when one of the other guys is there.  He stays as long as they are there and leaves when they do.  He is not being mean; he just doesn’t think of me in the special way that I think of him.  I don’t think he is even aware that I feel this way.  But I can’t help it. I do and I always will. 

I sound like a cry baby and I wish I could accept his rejection and deal with it.   I’m afraid that the way I’ll deal is to shut myself in my room and be by myself.  If I can’t cope, I’ll move to another home.  I have nothing but love and respect for this man.  He is one of the bravest and strongest persons I have ever met.  I will love him for the rest of my life and will long for a time that we could be together.   A time that will never come. 

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Time For A Fact Check

Posted on 03/09/2018 by jimbet01

Hello again! I am back after taking time off to come to grips with changes that have greatly impacted my life in the last two and a half years. The first was the sudden, unexpected death of my best friend and life partner, Rick, who gave me strength and companionship to deal with problems on life’s bumpy road. Another change was the progression of my Parkinson’s that has made me wheelchair bound and living in a nursing home. I can handle the Parkinson’s but I miss Rick so much that I have trouble accepting it. I often think that he will walk through the door and we will be together again.

I miss the life I had. As I said, I can accept living in a nursing home although it is a mix of good and bad. The home and staff are very kind and loving people who treat the residents as family. The problem lies in the friendships that are made between residents and the fact that these are usually short lived due to serious illness and frequent accidents. I know illness and accidents exist and touch our lives in our homes and families, however, they do not occur with the frequency that happen here in our nursing home. We have lost seven residents in two months, each one touching us with feelings of personal loss and sorrow. This is something I did not expect and with some of my friends who died, the sorrow and lonesomeness are greater and long lasting.

Please apply the Native American adage: “Walk a mile in my shoes…” and become aware of the many hardships nursing home residents have to accept because of illness/accidents that have entrapped them in their new homes. If you think it’s a bummer visiting your family or loved ones in a home, try and think how they feel torn from the home they lived in before they were placed in to the care of strangers.

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The Iraq War – America’s Crime Against Humanity Must Not Go Unpunished.

Posted on 05/19/2015 by jimbet01

Let’s remember a few things about the invasion of Iraq before we let Bush, Cheney and the Republicans off the hook. First, it wasn’t faulty intelligence that got us into Iraq, it was lies concocted by prez and vice. Second; the reason we attacked Iraq was not to finish what Bush one started, it was to gain control of the Iraq oil, plain and simple. Third; it was a means to give Halliburton a huge windfall profit which Bush accomplished by awarding no-bid contracts to his former employer netting them hundreds of BILLIONS of dollars, raising their stock price significantly, along with the net worth of the Bush and Cheney families.
This entire episode in our history stinks to high heaven. Over 5,000 American military dead and over 100,000 wounded. The actual number of innocent Iraqis killed and wounded was never calculated because their casualties did not matter. The only explanation for how Bush, Chaney and the members of the Senate and House got away with this travesty is that each and every one of them, that’s right – members of both political parties, got a piece of the action and did not investigate what happened. God bless America.

This just in: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/05/20/1386107/-Bush-CIA-Deputy-Director-Admits-We-Were-Lied-Into-Iraq-War?detail=email

Check it out.

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What Happens When We Die?

Posted on 01/27/2015 by jimbet01

This is a short blog.  I simply would like you to describe what happens when you die.

I’ll kick it off. My name is Jim Bettag.  I have been alive for 69 years, 6 months, give or take.  I believe that I am composed of matter and energy.  Matter is the physical body, flesh, bone, blood, everything that makes me visible.  Energy is my thoughts that are unique and that are stored in the brain after I have experienced, “thought” them.  They are my memories, my knowledge, wants, needs – any thought I ever had that is stored and processed by the brain.  My energy is what defines me as the person I am. and is what I have learned over the course of my life.

When I die I believe two things happen.  One, my body begins to rot and decompose or is cremated.  Either way, the flesh and blood that made me recognizable is gone.  My thoughts that are made of energy, will be absorbed by and become part of the energy that exists in the cosmos.  When my thoughts are combined with the thoughts of all who preceded me I loose my individuality and all awareness will be gone.  Game over.

OK, now its your turn.  Please leave a comment (thought) on what you believe death is.  I look forward to reading them.

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A Man, His Son and Their Pet Dove

Posted on 08/01/2014 by jimbet01

I sincerely believe that the fear and paranoia that forms the bases of the belief system of the ultra right wing religious zealots has grown with the number of people espousing those beliefs and is harming more countries with the unhappy religious zealots proposing Oligarchy, Theocracy forms of government with their fears at the center and the “take no prisoners” attitude permeating their cause. They have an unquenchable need to bne Right and their belief the ONLY belief. They have become a serious threat to democratic forms of government across the world, not just the USA. If we moderates don’t fight their attempts to get their believers our elected Senators, Representatives and President, we will see an unbelievable downturn in our government and our guarantee of Rights and Freedoms that we have rightfully come to expect but now must fight to defend and uphold the Constitution against these zealots who will change the “all men are created equal” portion to “only Christians need apply”.

me, myself & aye, yii, yii

I would like to ask all of Christianity to take a moment and reflect on just what it is that you believe to be god. When I was a child attending Catholic elementary and high school, the nuns and priests taught me that god was ageless, a being which was unchanged by time. I was taught that he always was in the past and always will be in the future. I remember thinking how awesome this god guy was/is; how powerful, how complete. They should have left things alone but they went on to describe what god was, namely an old white man and his son, Jesus, and a third deity, a dove who they called the Holy Ghost – later changed to Holy Spirit but it remained a dove in appearance.
I can’t believe it, I bought it! I believed god was an old white man who spent all eternity…

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SEASON’S GREETINGS AND A WISH FOR ALL OF US

Posted on 12/20/2012 by jimbet01

I hope that we as representatives of the human race can replace our need to judge others with an attempt to understand our differences, because those differences are only cosmetic when you get right to it.  We are the same regardless of color, beliefs, or nationality.  We are human beings who are born, struggle through life to assure that our beliefs are the only acceptable beliefs, and then we all die thinking that because we fought for the things we believe in, we will be rewarded by our creator.  All of us follow the same pattern and it’s time to break that mold and begin to accept our differences as just that, differences; not right, not wrong but different, and that only.  If we can begin to do this, accept our differences and learn from each other, we can improve life here on earth over the coming decades rather than increasing the depths of the craters that divide us, by continuing our present behavior over the coming millennia.  Start talking in an attempt to stop fighting.  Please, let it begin with you and me.

May you all have Happy Holidays in whatever form you celebrate them. 

Jim

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A Man, His Son and Their Pet Dove

Posted on 07/19/2012 by jimbet01

I would like to ask all of Christianity to take a moment and reflect on just what it is that you believe to be god. When I was a child attending Catholic elementary and high school, the nuns and priests taught me that god was ageless, a being which was unchanged by time. I was taught that he always was in the past and always will be in the future. I remember thinking how awesome this god guy was/is; how powerful, how complete. They should have left things alone but they went on to describe what god was, namely an old white man and his son, Jesus, and a third deity, a dove who they called the Holy Ghost – later changed to Holy Spirit but it remained a dove in appearance.
I can’t believe it, I bought it! I believed god was an old white man who spent all eternity, past and future with himself as company both in the form of a young man who God said was his son and, finally, a dove, who also was god. I know, the Church attempted to cover its tracks by saying it is a great mystery, too great to be understood by the mortal mind! Yeah, right! Its to cover some tracks, all right. Where are the women? Or woman? Why does god choose to spend all of his time with his “son” rather than a romp in the hay with a good woman?
Maybe god don’t want your Defense of Marriage Act after all. Maybe he wants you to mind your own business and leave him and his “son” to their own devices, or vices. I mean, don’t you find it at least a little odd that there was no woman with god throughout eternity? All those eons before he created our universe he chose to spend in isolation with a son and a bird, but no woman! I’ll let you draw your own conclusion but man do I feel empowered!!
Actually, I feel empowered, not for what I am suggesting god is but for suggesting what he isn’t – God! If there is a god, this isn’t it. What the god of the Bible is, is the result of a bad acid trip or too much Mogan David wine on the part of the Jewish men who dreamt this whole thing up. Bazinga, as Sheldon would say! Bazinga, indeed. The truly sad thing is that we let such a poor excuse for an explanation of who or what god is to make us hate each other and kill those who think differently than our church’s teachings. Who makes us right and all different religions wrong? We do! Our need to be right and to have the answer to what lies beyond this life has driven us to where we aqre today. Sadly, we feel that if we can define what god is, we can make our dreams of what awaits us upon death our reality and something we can live with.
We can think up our version of god and we can conquer all other religions and make our belief the only belief, but that does nothing to change what is really going to happen to us when we die. You Christian, you Muslim you Jew and all religions world-wide, you cannot know and thus define who or what god is. You have to die to know and it could be nothing. This life is given to us by a matter of birth and not any divine intervention. We could be born, live and die and that’s the end of the story, or there could be something waiting for us, but in fact, none of us knows what is after this life, if anything. So why not help one another through what has become a minefield of religious hatred for those who are different from us. Why not pull together and lighten everyone’s load rather than condemn others to appease something or someone who may not be there at all. And if there is a god, please, can’t you come up with a better option than an old man, his son and a pet bird?

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

Posted on 02/14/2012 by jimbet01

This is the one day of the year where love for a special person is the main event, highlighted with expensive greeting cards, flowers by the dozens, overindulgent heart shaped boxes of candy and exquisite pieces of jewelry that express undying love and devotion; all done with a reasonable expectation to get laid. Good luck and have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Bible Is NOT The Word Of God.

Posted on 12/28/2011 by jimbet01

Lately, I find my mind wandering repeatedly down a path questioning what life is about or if it is about any specific thing at all.  When I look at the myriad of peoples and lifestyles that exist I cannot see a common thread of purpose that ties us all together by which a solitary meaning of life could be identified.   I think about the vastness of the Universe and realize the sophomoric belief that something this huge could be created in its entirety by an all-powerful entity, his son and a pigeon, as described in the bible, the greatest fictional novel that was ever written.  I was taught from early childhood that what was contained in the bible was to be followed without question because it was the word of god.  If we could overcome the fear of questioning that “holy book” and the nonsense that is contained in it, I believe that we could better ourselves and our lives here on Planet Earth.

For one thing, it is not the word of god.  If it were, man could not have changed the wording and thus the meaning of the text to support something that he believed in that differed from the original writings.  For example the concept of slavery was addressed and approved in the bible.  I do not believe, at all, that a supposedly all-loving god would condone the enslavement of one human being by another.  It is pure stupidity to think that he would.  This and many other errors that have been discovered over the Millennia’s since the book was published disprove that the bible is the word of god.

The statement that god inspired the writers of the bible and told them what to write is proof that the book is fraudulent.  If god inspired the writers, he placed ideas in their minds which contained all that they needed to know about what they were writing.  He did not hold lectures in which he discussed his ideas and which would lead to differing interpretations by those in the lectures.  No, by the admission of the writer’s, he inspired them, or placed the knowledge of what he wanted written, directly into their mind, which leaves no room for error.  Why then were there errors in the texts and, why are there hundreds of bibles published today that differ from each other while all claim to be the word of god?

The original bible and all the re-writes that were written by various sects/groups to support their differing beliefs from the original, all negate the statement that the bible is the word of god.  It is nothing more than an effort by the religious right groups of the day to give credence to their harsh, unbending, callous interpretations of who god was and what he expected us to do in order to lead a moral life by hating anything and everything that was different or contained a modicum of pleasure.  I refuse to be intimidated by these unkind, unholy charlatans into following their self-serving desires and their unquenchable need to be the ones in control.  Their unbending attitude and total unwillingness to work with others to reach a common ground, is a large part of the unhappiness and hopelessness in the world today.  While they have a right to their opinion, that’s all they have the right to.  They do not have a right to impose their opinion or religious beliefs on me just as I do not have the right to impose mine on them.  Freedom of Religion means one has the right to practice their religion within their religious communities made up of like-minded individuals, freely and without fear of persecution.  It does not give anyone or any group or any religion the right to make their beliefs the only beliefs in the land. 

If you don’t like gays and think we are an abomination, then keep us out of your church.   If you think abortion is wrong, don’t have one and ban them for members of your church.  But keep your simple-minded, unreasonable beliefs off of my back and out of my life.  I don’t need them, want them or appreciate them.  I can live my life just fine without your “help”.   Chew on that.

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Merry Christmas 2011

Posted on 12/24/2011 by jimbet01

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Holidays. Did I cover all the bases? No, not quite. Festivus for the Rest of Us. This one day we are closer to world peace than at any other time of the year. Too bad, though, because it remains far, far out of reach. But hey, I’ll take what I can get. Peace, everyone!! Hopefully, we’ll meet again this time next year. Jim

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